Animal mating rituals are SO not sexy

Ok just came across some seriously funny posts by fellow bloggers and simply HAVE to share. No, they are not related to travel nor are they related to Korea but I’m sure you will all still appreciate them.

First this poor girl HERE boldly confesses to her worst date ever where her whole body and face become covered in hives with her lips swelling to the size of “Kansas and Nebraska!”. To make matters worse on the make up date she breaks the heel on her beautiful shoes and falls flat on her face in the middle of a restaurant. Morto.

Now this is simply hilarious. “The five least romantic animal mating rituals”, explains the grossest ways in which animals “make love” and prove once and for all that the male species ris really very sick. Ranging from a male giraffe who tastes the females urine before mating to the male parrot who kisses the female then vomits in her mouth. Happy Valentines day baby, bleurgh.

Here is an excerpt from the sample conversation between Bonobo monkeys while mating…

Girl: Hello.
Guy: Hi.
Lovemaking ensues
Guy: Meet my brother
Lovemaking ensues
Girl: Meet my sister
Lovemaking ensues
Guy: I’m hungry
Girl: Look! A restaurant!
Lovemaking ensues
Girl: I’m angry with you for not paying for our meal!
Guy: Don’t be angry!
Lovemaking ensues
Guy: I’m sorry we almost got in an argument!
Lovemaking is initiated. . .
Girl: Whoa, whoa whoa. Look, I’ve had about enough, okay? Five times in the last hour including an orgy with our siblings, and I’m exhausted, all right? This isn’t fun anymore.
Guy: You’re tired? We should probably have sex to wake you up!
Girl: Count me out.
Guy: Okay then, where’s your sister?

Lastly, this guy may be old and cynical but by golly does he still have a cracking sense of humour. In this post in defense of “The youth of today”, he talks about how confident we are and how our “inability to peel banana’s” may well re open the debate on evolution!!

He writes about their resourcefulness, “They may not be able to find North America on a world map but lock a young person in a bathroom with some Tylenol, grape jelly, household cleaner and a ball-point pen and nine times out of ten they’ll be able to fashion some sort of lethal narcotic and a workable pipe to smoke it in.CLASSIC!

…and about their knowledge of human rights, “Smack one damned young person over the head with your cane and you’ll soon discover that while they’re oblivious to notions of decency, civility, common sense and morality – they’re fully aware of the laws that protect them and the civil litigation options available to them.”

4 thoughts on “Animal mating rituals are SO not sexy

  1. Dear Janet,

    Firstly I miss you very much… Someone I meet in Berlin mentioned your name and also how much they missed you… But be safe that both of us keep and eyeball on your posts! And this one made you dear Viking laugh – so much it scared a tiny town in Germany… ;D

    Love and hugs

    1. Awww its nice to be missed and Im happy I made you laugh too! 🙂 Hope all is well in Berlin, ahoj ahoj ahoj from Korea! xxx

  2. Haha I love the Druggy McGyver reference to teens today. And it’s so true about the human rights…teens and young adults are REALLY rude yet if anything happens to them they expect the army and the hand of the law to strike anybody down

    This post cracked me up

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